I just realized that I have a fear of downstairs toilets.
I have a memory of sitting on the toilet in my home as a child, my feet only just touching the U shaped toilet carpet, and suddenly seeing an insect - a beetle or louse or something. I screamed and ran out, paying no attention to the circumstances of the act of using the toilet. My mother and siblings could not find the insect, leaving me knowing that it was there, hiding, waiting for me to be alone again. In the 15 years that followed I used the toilet upstairs, unless circumstances dictated that I use the downstairs one. In these few instances I would rush, ensure my feet did not touch the carpet, and rapidly move my eyes around the floor, looking for this insect to show itself. It never did.
Showing posts with label Downstairs Toilets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Downstairs Toilets. Show all posts
29.4.08
Knives and other sharp instruments
Have you ever been lying in bed trying to sleep but unable to because of dark thoughts? What is worse is that often dark thoughts like these are not thoughts at all, but rather just a feeling (so not allowing one to approach it rationally).
There are, of course, occasions when they are dark thoughts. This is when sleep is required the most, but cannot be achieved (oh, the torment). One of the worst instances of this that I can recall was when I had vision of cutting myself with a sharp instrument. Please do not be alarmed (I wish someone had said this to me at the time).
I just lay there with the image of a knife slicing across my wrist, but before the blood poured out I would shake my head and the image was temporarily removed. Minutes later it returned. The image was so strong that I had to stick my head of the window for air as I thought I would be sick. The worst part of it was that I needed the toilet, but was too afraid to enter the bathroom in case I encountered a razor. This meant having to go to the downstairs toilet, which really bothered me as I hate to walk down stairs in the dark (and do not like this toilet).
Fortunately, the trauma of having to walk down the stairs was such an interruption to the thoughts I was having about knives that I was able to fall asleep shortly after returning to bed.
Unfortunately, the same thoughts returned to me the next day, but that is the way life goes.
(At least I came to the realisation that there is a difference between real life and fantasy, albeit it an often indiscernible one).
There are, of course, occasions when they are dark thoughts. This is when sleep is required the most, but cannot be achieved (oh, the torment). One of the worst instances of this that I can recall was when I had vision of cutting myself with a sharp instrument. Please do not be alarmed (I wish someone had said this to me at the time).
I just lay there with the image of a knife slicing across my wrist, but before the blood poured out I would shake my head and the image was temporarily removed. Minutes later it returned. The image was so strong that I had to stick my head of the window for air as I thought I would be sick. The worst part of it was that I needed the toilet, but was too afraid to enter the bathroom in case I encountered a razor. This meant having to go to the downstairs toilet, which really bothered me as I hate to walk down stairs in the dark (and do not like this toilet).
Fortunately, the trauma of having to walk down the stairs was such an interruption to the thoughts I was having about knives that I was able to fall asleep shortly after returning to bed.
Unfortunately, the same thoughts returned to me the next day, but that is the way life goes.
(At least I came to the realisation that there is a difference between real life and fantasy, albeit it an often indiscernible one).
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