Knives and other sharp instruments

Have you ever been lying in bed trying to sleep but unable to because of dark thoughts? What is worse is that often dark thoughts like these are not thoughts at all, but rather just a feeling (so not allowing one to approach it rationally).

There are, of course, occasions when they are dark thoughts. This is when sleep is required the most, but cannot be achieved (oh, the torment). One of the worst instances of this that I can recall was when I had vision of cutting myself with a sharp instrument. Please do not be alarmed (I wish someone had said this to me at the time).

I just lay there with the image of a knife slicing across my wrist, but before the blood poured out I would shake my head and the image was temporarily removed. Minutes later it returned. The image was so strong that I had to stick my head of the window for air as I thought I would be sick. The worst part of it was that I needed the toilet, but was too afraid to enter the bathroom in case I encountered a razor. This meant having to go to the downstairs toilet, which really bothered me as I hate to walk down stairs in the dark (and do not like this toilet).

Fortunately, the trauma of having to walk down the stairs was such an interruption to the thoughts I was having about knives that I was able to fall asleep shortly after returning to bed.

Unfortunately, the same thoughts returned to me the next day, but that is the way life goes.

(At least I came to the realisation that there is a difference between real life and fantasy, albeit it an often indiscernible one).