31.12.10
Lines
Amongst the tens of thousands of lines repeatedly typed "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" for Jack's manuscript in Kubrick's The Shining, the employed typist rebels, writing instead "All work and no pay makes me a dull boy".
19.11.10
A Red Hat by Gertrude Stein
"A dark grey, a very dark grey, a quite dark grey is monstrous ordinarily, it is so monstrous because there is no red in it. If red is in everything it is not necessary. Is that not an argument for any use of it and even so is there any place that is better, is there any place that has so much stretched out."
3.11.10
Empathy With The Protagonist
Why do so many people feel that to like a film they must 'like' the protagonist within it? For these people a film is to be rejected if the protagonist shows no weakness, no humanity, no affection, no guilt, and so on. If the protagonist is despicable, and the audience feels they cannot identify or empathise with them, there is a strong dislike of the film, and criticism of the director. Oh, how wrong these people are.
An example of this is Stanley Kubrick's 'Barry Lyndon'. Barry Lyndon is the protagonist that people cannot tolerate; a reprobate, with whom there is no relief but rather relentless indifference. He goes through his whole life without changing his ways. Perhaps there may be fleeting moments of guilt, but this only makes it worse as they are only fleeting - he is soon up to his old tricks again.
But this is precisely what makes Barry Lyndon a great film. If the protagonist is such that we cannot empathise or identify with them, what a blessing. This is a hard thing to achieve, and I admire the film-maker who manages to pull this off.
I believe that people do not like films with such characters for many reasons, but by and large because
1 - they need a happy ending, telling them that life is always ok in the end (very weak);
2 - they do not like to see traits in these characters which they too possess (the lack of common identity is simply suppressed);
3 - they are simply not very clever or interesting people.
If anyone would like to tell me of other films with such unlikeable characters I am most interested.
An example of this is Stanley Kubrick's 'Barry Lyndon'. Barry Lyndon is the protagonist that people cannot tolerate; a reprobate, with whom there is no relief but rather relentless indifference. He goes through his whole life without changing his ways. Perhaps there may be fleeting moments of guilt, but this only makes it worse as they are only fleeting - he is soon up to his old tricks again.
But this is precisely what makes Barry Lyndon a great film. If the protagonist is such that we cannot empathise or identify with them, what a blessing. This is a hard thing to achieve, and I admire the film-maker who manages to pull this off.
I believe that people do not like films with such characters for many reasons, but by and large because
1 - they need a happy ending, telling them that life is always ok in the end (very weak);
2 - they do not like to see traits in these characters which they too possess (the lack of common identity is simply suppressed);
3 - they are simply not very clever or interesting people.
If anyone would like to tell me of other films with such unlikeable characters I am most interested.
28.10.10
A Gift From A Friend
My friend shared this information with me recently:
"Was just thinking of this today.
I have a few things that I would not bear in a partner.
On my next serious date I will have a list:
Do you keep the TV on when you are at home all the time?
Do you watch daytime TV?
Do you keep the TV on as "company"?
Do you like cooking?
Does it really matter what you eat?
Do you try to add that "little touch" to food?
Are you obsessed with your parents?
What is the relation with your siblings?
What do complex family issues annoy you?
Do you live to make money?
How do you wake up?
What do you do if you are awake at night?
What is your ideal breakfast?
Do you find dried fish repulsive?
How do you behave in nature?
What do you think of spending time on your own in nature?
Do you enjoy chit chat conversations while hiking?
Describe how you would make your latte/capuccino?
What do small things in life do to you?
Do you keep everything in order and how do you act when things are not as you expect them?
What do you make of trivial things, tiny details/facts?
Well. I think this is enough Right?"
"Was just thinking of this today.
I have a few things that I would not bear in a partner.
On my next serious date I will have a list:
Do you keep the TV on when you are at home all the time?
Do you watch daytime TV?
Do you keep the TV on as "company"?
Do you like cooking?
Does it really matter what you eat?
Do you try to add that "little touch" to food?
Are you obsessed with your parents?
What is the relation with your siblings?
What do complex family issues annoy you?
Do you live to make money?
How do you wake up?
What do you do if you are awake at night?
What is your ideal breakfast?
Do you find dried fish repulsive?
How do you behave in nature?
What do you think of spending time on your own in nature?
Do you enjoy chit chat conversations while hiking?
Describe how you would make your latte/capuccino?
What do small things in life do to you?
Do you keep everything in order and how do you act when things are not as you expect them?
What do you make of trivial things, tiny details/facts?
Well. I think this is enough Right?"
16.10.10
In The Middle
Finishing something is always depressing - unless it is cooking something well, or eating a good meal (anything food related will do).
To finish something one should feel happy and proud, and a sense of achievement. But yet it is always the opposite feeling. But I am not suggesting that one should leave things unfinished. On the contrary, to not finish things can be even more depressing.
I would like to lead my life as an interruption in the middle - never really beginning anything, and therefore not having to finish anything - a middle man, perhaps. I don't think this will ever be achieved though.
To finish something one should feel happy and proud, and a sense of achievement. But yet it is always the opposite feeling. But I am not suggesting that one should leave things unfinished. On the contrary, to not finish things can be even more depressing.
I would like to lead my life as an interruption in the middle - never really beginning anything, and therefore not having to finish anything - a middle man, perhaps. I don't think this will ever be achieved though.
Shameful Behaviour
Someone recently told me that they feel ashamed of their past, even though they didn't do anything that they should feel particularly ashamed about.
I, too, feel this way. The result of this is that the thought of a by-chance meeting with someone from my past, or even seeing photographs of them, or hearing about them through others, makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure what this is - perhaps it is a worry that they know something about me that is hidden but has always been with me. They probably don't, but the fear of it is enough.
My apologies if anyone out there reading this is from my past (though I would still prefer it if you stayed away from me).
I, too, feel this way. The result of this is that the thought of a by-chance meeting with someone from my past, or even seeing photographs of them, or hearing about them through others, makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure what this is - perhaps it is a worry that they know something about me that is hidden but has always been with me. They probably don't, but the fear of it is enough.
My apologies if anyone out there reading this is from my past (though I would still prefer it if you stayed away from me).
1.6.10
29.4.10
art and technology (1)
At a recent exhibition of some of John Latham's archives, there was a small blue piece of card or paper with the following:
art and technology (1) 1970
make a device that does less than any known amount
There are several things I like about this.
It seems to me to be a perfect synthesis of art and technology.
Impossible, yet will be achieved.
I like less, rather than more.
It leaves me curious about 'art and technology (2)'
I like that this is written down, like an every day 'to do' list.
art and technology (1) 1970
make a device that does less than any known amount
There are several things I like about this.
It seems to me to be a perfect synthesis of art and technology.
Impossible, yet will be achieved.
I like less, rather than more.
It leaves me curious about 'art and technology (2)'
I like that this is written down, like an every day 'to do' list.
15.4.10
The Future Found
The following are proposals for T.V. pilot shows. Many are already under production. Others are for sale to private or public networks, please enquire after individual prices...
"Your place or mine" (location: the walls of a medieval village, dismembered heads on spikes hold conversations amongst one another/ related idea: heads caught in basket under guillotine speak amongst themselves)
"Dry Clean Only" (set in a drycleaners, each episode the story revolves around a stain on an item of clothing that has been brought in, how it got there, etc. 90% of stains will be sexual fluids. Adult Content)
"Crappola" (one man's continually unsuccessful attempt to sell the brand "Crappola" to cereal companies as a commercially viable product name)
"The Glass House" (standard situation comedy, except the characters live in a glass house, which is never alluded to)
"Countdown to Nowhere" (dramatization of final hours of the Waco Siege)
"It's raining misery" (set in a publishing research house, where the current project concerns the formation of a new dictionary. The same person is continually given non-existent words to research).
"Learning to love what I love about you." (Remake of "The Upper Hand")
"Penny for 'em" (set in lost property office, each episode recounts how a particular item came to be lost. Already under production, the show has received positive test screenings. 1st episode sees a gentleman arrive at a train station, which unfortunately doesn't have a baggage storing facility. Upon asking the lost property office if he can leave his bag with them, he is told that they can hold lost property only. He then sets about trying to lose his bag on purpose, with disastrous consequences)
"Vigilante" (this one does what it says on the tin)
"Tick tock ta mane" (still in embryonic stages)
"Your place or mine" (location: the walls of a medieval village, dismembered heads on spikes hold conversations amongst one another/ related idea: heads caught in basket under guillotine speak amongst themselves)
"Dry Clean Only" (set in a drycleaners, each episode the story revolves around a stain on an item of clothing that has been brought in, how it got there, etc. 90% of stains will be sexual fluids. Adult Content)
"Crappola" (one man's continually unsuccessful attempt to sell the brand "Crappola" to cereal companies as a commercially viable product name)
"The Glass House" (standard situation comedy, except the characters live in a glass house, which is never alluded to)
"Countdown to Nowhere" (dramatization of final hours of the Waco Siege)
"It's raining misery" (set in a publishing research house, where the current project concerns the formation of a new dictionary. The same person is continually given non-existent words to research).
"Learning to love what I love about you." (Remake of "The Upper Hand")
"Penny for 'em" (set in lost property office, each episode recounts how a particular item came to be lost. Already under production, the show has received positive test screenings. 1st episode sees a gentleman arrive at a train station, which unfortunately doesn't have a baggage storing facility. Upon asking the lost property office if he can leave his bag with them, he is told that they can hold lost property only. He then sets about trying to lose his bag on purpose, with disastrous consequences)
"Vigilante" (this one does what it says on the tin)
"Tick tock ta mane" (still in embryonic stages)
16.3.10
Angst In My Pants
I constantly feel anxious. Luckily, it is not always severe. That doesn’t make it less frustrating though. If anything, it is worse to suffer from continuous mild anxiety (CMA) because one feels like a real phony.
Success: A Story
Regardless of what some might say, I have some progress in my life and have pictures and a menu to prove it. There was a time when I would only eat very plain food and would not allow one type of food to touch another type when on my plate (for example, cauliflower could not touch the brussel sprouts). There was no way boiled potatoes could touch the stewing beef as the liquid from the beef would colour the potatoes, and potentially make them soggy. Two things had to happen – the beef had to go on a separate plate and bits of onion and most of the liquid from the beef had to be removed. One would imagine that this made my food life pretty bland and depressing, but these feelings were not felt – instead a feeling of comfort and safety.
I suppose the first change came when after booking a flight to Italy for the first time. I thought to myself, “I cannot go to Italy with my diet,” so I tried eating pasta. Within weeks I was an addict, though eating the pre-made jars of sauce.
Then, when living in Germany, I tried strawberries – this led on to blueberries, green beans, wholemeal bread, sweetcorn, peppers, even carrots. I had never been so healthy (though I lost lots of weight, and was always feeling hungry).
It is only fair that I admit that whilst I was trying new food, I was often just eating the same ‘new’ dish over and again – a habit that is hard to kick.
Now I cook everything from scratch, and am starting to try new recipes even. Before, going to restaurants was difficult, to say the least. Now I can eat in most places.
The question that has always entered my mind throughout all of this is the extent to which these issues with food are expressions of altogether different issues. Someone once raised the question to me, “What if you tried the food and liked it?” It was then suggested that my fear of food is a symptom of my fear of success, or of being happy. At the time this seemed true to me. However, if this is true, how come the fears of living life do not disappear alongside the fears of food? That is very puzzling, and I will probably never have an answer. Nonetheless, one should be content with the new variety of food in one’s life.
(Since writing this, I now eat bruschetta, corn on the cob, and flapjacks).
I suppose the first change came when after booking a flight to Italy for the first time. I thought to myself, “I cannot go to Italy with my diet,” so I tried eating pasta. Within weeks I was an addict, though eating the pre-made jars of sauce.
Then, when living in Germany, I tried strawberries – this led on to blueberries, green beans, wholemeal bread, sweetcorn, peppers, even carrots. I had never been so healthy (though I lost lots of weight, and was always feeling hungry).
It is only fair that I admit that whilst I was trying new food, I was often just eating the same ‘new’ dish over and again – a habit that is hard to kick.
Now I cook everything from scratch, and am starting to try new recipes even. Before, going to restaurants was difficult, to say the least. Now I can eat in most places.
The question that has always entered my mind throughout all of this is the extent to which these issues with food are expressions of altogether different issues. Someone once raised the question to me, “What if you tried the food and liked it?” It was then suggested that my fear of food is a symptom of my fear of success, or of being happy. At the time this seemed true to me. However, if this is true, how come the fears of living life do not disappear alongside the fears of food? That is very puzzling, and I will probably never have an answer. Nonetheless, one should be content with the new variety of food in one’s life.
(Since writing this, I now eat bruschetta, corn on the cob, and flapjacks).
18.2.10
A Portrait
A recent discovery that I am afraid of photographs has brought home that perhaps I need therapy of some sort.
Let me be clear, this is not a fear of the photograph itself, but, rather, photographs relating to my life. I have many camera films that I have never printed, and, quite frankly, I do not want to see them. And I do not like to look at the photographs I have. The thought of looking at photographs of my past makes me feel nauseous and anxious – as if I have failed to complete something very important. Something has been left undone. What is worse is that I suspect that what I am now is the very thing I failed to complete.
The good news is that I have decided to continue to suppress these feelings, so things are looking up for me.
Let me be clear, this is not a fear of the photograph itself, but, rather, photographs relating to my life. I have many camera films that I have never printed, and, quite frankly, I do not want to see them. And I do not like to look at the photographs I have. The thought of looking at photographs of my past makes me feel nauseous and anxious – as if I have failed to complete something very important. Something has been left undone. What is worse is that I suspect that what I am now is the very thing I failed to complete.
The good news is that I have decided to continue to suppress these feelings, so things are looking up for me.
Scenarios From Out Of Town
I often sit and think about how I would react should a certain things happen or be said to me. This escalates, and I get angry about it. I then realise that half and hour has passed me by, and I have been sitting getting angry about something that has never happened, and probably never will. This might be what mad people do.
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